Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you never un-have a 4some
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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