so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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