i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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