Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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