i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
