The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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