I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I will pee on everything he values.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize