Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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