I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
