when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
