Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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