As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize