I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
