OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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