is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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