Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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