I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
