They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
