i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
