i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I die, sorry about rent.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
