a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
