Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
