Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
