thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
