we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
