I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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