my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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