you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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