Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize