Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
