haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
