you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
