You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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