you guys were way drunker than both of me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
