Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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