Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need to calm my uterus...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
