Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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