i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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