Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize