In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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