you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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