I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
