They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
