woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
