some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
