I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize