no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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