there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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