am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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