last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
