Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ttyl tear gas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
