when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
