I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
