Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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