Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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