I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
