Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
