Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
