I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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