how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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