No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize