i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize