just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
