i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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