No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You dont lie about slip and slides
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
